LOVE IS WHAT YOU GO THROUGH TOGETHER

After loading some final things into the moving truck, we took a quick walk-through to make sure nothing was left behind. Room by room we went, analyzing the space and checking behind doors and in every corner. All the physical objects were gone, but something was there--something more.

Dan and I had spent that first year of our married life not only learning to love, but learning to work with each other. We'd bought a small, fixer-upper home and spent plenty of evenings and Saturdays making it our own. Turning it from filthy to clean, from old to new. I suppose as we polished the rough spots of this house, we were also polishing each other.

So as we walked through the hall the last night we were there, we realized that all that was left in that house was what we'd done to it. All we could see were beautiful new floors, freshly painted walls and the memories we made making it happen. No wonder the tears came so easily.

We left that house separately. I drove the car and followed him in the moving truck. To keep each other company and communicate if need be (See, I told you we were technologically challenged--of course we didn't have cell phones), we bought walkie-talkies. While driving off onto a lonely road, we fought the static to talk. We were sad to leave, but eager to go and had much to share with each other. That night was cold, crisp and dark. But I remember feeling more than that. I felt incredibly close to Dan as I relied on his conversation and understanding. It was then that I realized (which has been more eloquently and recently said), "Love is what you go through together."

We recently celebrated our fourth wedding anniversary (I know we are still babies), my youngest sister turned sixteen (and I was called upon to give dating advice) and two of our our siblings married this summer. Love has been in the air and also on my mind.

I noted on the morning of Stacie's wedding when the sealer (man who married she and Austin) said, "I am happy to announce to you that you will have problems." How true! It's not that they are a bad combination of people, a bride and groom headed for destruction, it's that we all do-- have problems that is. We just have to learn how to handle them in the right way.

I saw a great example of this when my friend Dani came to visit me this summer. She and her husband, Jarron, can roll with the punches with ease. While Jarron was waiting in the water of our pool to catch their son, Mayes, Dani unknowingly let him go without Jarron quite being ready. Dani did what all moms do-- cried out, "Jarron, Jarron!"and then he quickly got Mayes from underneath the water. But I watched with amazement as these two coped with a potential marriage firecracker-- they could laugh and smile it off. Mayes was fine and so was everyone else. No need to yell, no need to blame. No big deal.

Dan and I both just recently read Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting out of the Box. It's a business- minded book, but really is about relationships and thought control. We found after reading it, how easy it is to take each other for granted, to harbor resentment and constantly blame someone else for your problems. As my eyes have opened, I cannot say how free I've felt as I've let things go and forgiven (others and myself). What a world of difference and a dramatic change in perspective. I echo these words from Elder Uchtdorf (LDS church leader), "For our own good, we need the moral courage to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. Never is the soul nobler and more courageous than when we forgive." Talk about inspirational. Those words actually make me want to something that I usually don't want to do.

After John-Mark's wedding, his new father-in-law shared an excerpt from writer Orson Scott Card. He'd been in a bookstore and was perusing the self-help aisle of books (Note: The article was about what books not to read, so don't write down any titles!) He wrote the following about a certain book titled, "How to save your marriage by making sure you wash your face and clip your fingernails. (I'm sure there was more to the book than that, but I set it down after randomly opening it to that sage advice). How to achieve spiritual fulfillment through a series of steps that didn't seem to me to be anywhere near as useful as the two-step program, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, might, mind and strength, and your neighbor as yourself," which is in a book I already own. " I dare not ask Mr. Card if my Leadership book makes the cut, but the simple advice he passes on is profound and divine. What if instead of looking for the cause of what went wrong, we take on the cause to always make things right? What if we loved and cared for each other always before ourselves?

This is heavy stuff for a sixteen year old. She doesn't need to be thinking about all that yet! But I did share something with Ali that we all could hear and remember. I told her to, "always work on being the best you. Do the best you can to make yourself attractive and then forget about yourself and focus on others. Work hard in your schooling and/or job, keep developing your talents, appreciate the good in life and try new things. As you help other people and become well rounded, you will be happy and others will want to be around you." Aren't our spouses and families the most important things EVER and don't we owe them that?

Dan and I have since moved on to a new home and moved on "through plenty of things together". Guess that's why we feel so lucky-- I guess we really are.