I should start this with a fact—I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons). I think you all know that. But just in case you don’t, you should. It is a big part of my life and really is what makes it all meaningful to me.
Weeks before my thirteenth birthday, my family moved-- just a few miles away, upgrading a little to make room for the growing numbers. Even though it wasn't far, it meant a lot to me. It meant one more thing to change.
Within a few months (all before the move), my youngest sister was born, my maternal grandfather died suddenly and unexpectedly and my dad started working for a different firm. Our ward boundaries (defines where we attend church by where we live) were realigned, causing my dad to be released from his church calling as Bishop and put into the bishopric of our new ward. Most importantly through of all this, I STARTED JUNIOR HIGH.
All of this was traumatic to a twelve-year old (really, what isn’t?), but the biggest disruption to my life was the peer turnover. See, I had gone to a small elementary school since first grade, where there was only one class per grade at the school. So as I grew, my close knit group of friends grew with me. The same kids were in the same class for six years in a row. By the time we graduated on from Roxalana—we were pretty unified and ready to become BULLPUPS TOGETHER.
My associations at church were similar. There were a decent number of children my age that I attended church with (from Primary on) and by the time the ward boundaries split, I was pretty distraught to know that I would no longer see them in Sunday School or at Wednesday night activities. As a pre-teen, I had lost my lifeline—my friends.
The move came nine weeks in to my seventh grade year. In retrospect, it was very beneficial for me, though not easy to swallow at the beginning. My new school was true to its name—Rough Rider Territory. I was a scrawny, shy gal in a “more urban” school. Eventually I got the hang of it, and besides, I liked wearing blue more than gray and black on school spirit days.
By my eighth grade year, things were looking up. I had made some good friends, started getting involved in clubs, teams and groups. My very outgoing cousin moved into my neighborhood and started school with me too. I wouldn’t be a lone Mormon anymore!
Though I felt like I fit in, I was always careful to not do, say or wear anything that might change the trend. I guess I was always walking on eggshells.
My very talented and kind mother knew what a challenge all the transitions had been for me. She wanted to do something nice--She tagged up with my cousin and planned a surprise birthday party in honor of my magic day, 14 on the 14th.
One day when we were driving, disaster struck. I caught on to their plan. And I saw them. All of them, sliding out from under the driver’s seat--- bright yellow fliers. Come to the FIESTA for Ashley A. Complete with sombrero graphics and all. I was horrified. My mom loves throwing parties and decorating, but that would definitely not be cool to a group of bratty teenagers. This would not be normal. This would draw attention to me. This would make people come to my house!
My mom, of course, was upset that I found out about the party, but was probably more upset that I was begging her to NOT do the nice thing for me that she wanted to. I was pretty angry with my cousin for going behind my back and doing this to me. How dare she! Want to throw me a party? What nice person does that?
After pleading, and I am sure some yelling and crying, I realized that people had already been invited. I decided I had just better let the thing happen. But it was good that I knew ahead of time. I had time to prepare.
I think I talked my mom out of doing too many themed things (although I can’t remember anymore) and I went around throughout the whole house and took down or flipped over anything that might identify me as a “MORMON”. I mostly remember turning books on bookshelves backwards so that titles could not be seen—titles like THE MORMON WAY or maybe ones with references to an LDS temple or prophet.
This is so silly now to think about. I am pretty sure most of those kids did not know what a Mormon was or even make the connection that maybe if we had a Book of Mormon in the house that I might actually be one. I am really sure that they did not peruse our shelves and notice what light reading (or heavy, for that matter) we had around. And I know for sure they wouldn’t even have known what to make fun of a Mormon for. But I thought they might. After all, I was the only one whose mom came to the football games with a double stroller.
The party went off without a hitch. It turned out better than expected—tons of kids came and plenty stayed longer than the flier called for. My girlfriends doted over my cute baby sisters. No one said I was weird for having so many siblings. And NO ONE said anything about Mormons.
Eventually, most people who knew me knew (and some may have known then) that I belonged to the LDS church. Plenty got the hang of what that meant and what that stood for. I obviously got a little more comfortable with who I was and the differences I may have with others. I’d like to say that my ability to hide my religion was lessened and it was, but not to the extent it should've. There were times that came and went when I could have said more, explained why or flat out defended the truth. Whether it was fear of fitting in, fear of offense, fear of not sounding clear or coherent or just fear alone, it didn't matter. It always got in the way
.Well the time has come to redeem myself. Besides feeling a renewed sense to share the happiness that the gospel brings, I also have the chance to stand up for an important gospel truth—that of the importance and eternal nature of the family.
I've been on the phone and Dan’s been knocking doors. The yard sign is going up tomorrow. We are letting people know that we believe marriage should be and only be, between a man and a woman.
In a few weeks, Californians will vote on a proposition to amend the state constitution to define marriage as such. We are in a battle and we need help. This is obviously a sensitive issue to many. I have given it MUCH contemplation and thought. More than I thought I would've needed at first glance. I've read things. I've talked with people. I feel like I have a lot to say.
But the best thing I can do is to keep those things unsaid. I could rant about celebrity comments or debunk an argument from the other side-- I could cry to the apathetic undecided with stats or quote from cases. I could plead with other young mothers to protect children and the environment they will grow up in. I could remind everyone that we do not hate when we say “no”. We do MORE than the desired “tolerate”, we love. Instead, I want you to do that in your minds. I want you to study, ponder and contemplate. I want you to get involved and decide for yourself why this matters to you.
If you care about marriage, families, children, schools and faith then you should care about this issue. I encourage you to go to protectmarriage.com. I encourage you to do what you can. And while you’re at it, check out lds.org. It will give you insight into the gospel of Jesus Christ that I now share with joy.
3 comments:
well done. and i am so jealous of how completely adorable you were as a twelve year old. my pictures from that time in my life are hilarious. and not in a good way!
i'm sure that growing up in the south you that you had a lot more negativity about being a mormon than i ever dealt with in southern california. i liked your comment about you being the only one whose mom came to football games with a double stroller.
i've been thinking a lot lately about what spencer w. kimball said: that the women of the church would draw many unto the church, for they would be seen as distinct and different in happy ways. i think that the way we feel about families and traditional marriage and kids is distinct and different from much of society's today. we just need to let our happiness show. and you are doing a great job at that.
wow ashley!
thank you for being a good example.
Amen sister!!
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